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Growth Mindset, Trauma, and Guilt

We have these terms in education called "growth mindset" and "fixed mindset." Applied to a classroom, growth mindset is basically the belief that every child can learn and be successful at any subject. Growth mindset doesn't mean that everyone learns to the same degree at the same time in the same way, but it does purport that all people can learn with enough time and effort. It posits that everyone can make some type of educational gain in your classroom in the time they are in that room. Fixed mindset, in contrast, says that people are born with certain talents and capabilities, and that there are just some things they won't be able to learn and some things at which they will automatically be successful.

In other words, growth mindset gives a person onus. In fixed mindset, you have the luck of genetic draw and the things that happen to you.

Traumas are things that happen to you. You don't ask for them. You don't want them. They are not your fault. Because trauma comes with guilt, I will say it again for those in the back it is not your fault.

Traumatic experiences are things that you could not control. They cause feelings that are valid and need to be worked-through and explored. They change your life in ways you never expected. They draw an irrevocable line between the before and the after. And yet they are only part of your life story.

Often when you are traumatized, you are at the mercy of this trauma. It happened to you and you cannot control it and so now you are a victim. Being a victim can lead to a victim mentality. This keeps you from growing beyond the trauma and healing from the experience. It catches you up in the unfairness of it all. It causes you to lash out and blame others. It also keeps you blaming yourself. This victim mentality is clearly unhealthy.

Sometimes people make you feel guilty in order to stop you from falling into victimhood. They tell you that you have power, that nobody else is to blame, that it wasn't unfair. The trauma, therefore, could have been avoided if you had only __________. This third option combines in an unhealthy way the growth and fixed mindset. Although its purpose is to get you to grow beyond the trauma and avoid victim mentality, it actually pushes you further in an unhealthy direction.

Truthfully, the healthy thing to do is acknowledge the trauma, your feelings, and the unfairness of it all. It wasn't your fault, you did not choose it, and you would have stopped it if you could have. This is true. But it is also true that you can grow beyond it. That you don't need to waste time blaming others. That you are not just a victim. This is growth mindset related to trauma. You work through the feelings and you move forward. Yes, you couldn't control it, but now you can make gains and grow in healing.

In this the horrible things that happened to you can take their places in your life's story. It becomes a part of the story instead of the rest of the story. It becomes something that can make you stronger, not something that keeps you from moving forward and being your fullest self. It becomes a way to see and know YHWH better, not something that keeps you from Him. And in this you need never feel guilty for things that were never your fault in the first place.

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