Skip to main content

Growth Mindset, Trauma, and Guilt

We have these terms in education called "growth mindset" and "fixed mindset." Applied to a classroom, growth mindset is basically the belief that every child can learn and be successful at any subject. Growth mindset doesn't mean that everyone learns to the same degree at the same time in the same way, but it does purport that all people can learn with enough time and effort. It posits that everyone can make some type of educational gain in your classroom in the time they are in that room. Fixed mindset, in contrast, says that people are born with certain talents and capabilities, and that there are just some things they won't be able to learn and some things at which they will automatically be successful.

In other words, growth mindset gives a person onus. In fixed mindset, you have the luck of genetic draw and the things that happen to you.

Traumas are things that happen to you. You don't ask for them. You don't want them. They are not your fault. Because trauma comes with guilt, I will say it again for those in the back it is not your fault.

Traumatic experiences are things that you could not control. They cause feelings that are valid and need to be worked-through and explored. They change your life in ways you never expected. They draw an irrevocable line between the before and the after. And yet they are only part of your life story.

Often when you are traumatized, you are at the mercy of this trauma. It happened to you and you cannot control it and so now you are a victim. Being a victim can lead to a victim mentality. This keeps you from growing beyond the trauma and healing from the experience. It catches you up in the unfairness of it all. It causes you to lash out and blame others. It also keeps you blaming yourself. This victim mentality is clearly unhealthy.

Sometimes people make you feel guilty in order to stop you from falling into victimhood. They tell you that you have power, that nobody else is to blame, that it wasn't unfair. The trauma, therefore, could have been avoided if you had only __________. This third option combines in an unhealthy way the growth and fixed mindset. Although its purpose is to get you to grow beyond the trauma and avoid victim mentality, it actually pushes you further in an unhealthy direction.

Truthfully, the healthy thing to do is acknowledge the trauma, your feelings, and the unfairness of it all. It wasn't your fault, you did not choose it, and you would have stopped it if you could have. This is true. But it is also true that you can grow beyond it. That you don't need to waste time blaming others. That you are not just a victim. This is growth mindset related to trauma. You work through the feelings and you move forward. Yes, you couldn't control it, but now you can make gains and grow in healing.

In this the horrible things that happened to you can take their places in your life's story. It becomes a part of the story instead of the rest of the story. It becomes something that can make you stronger, not something that keeps you from moving forward and being your fullest self. It becomes a way to see and know YHWH better, not something that keeps you from Him. And in this you need never feel guilty for things that were never your fault in the first place.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Beyond Reality: It's So Much Bigger Than We Think

So many things have clicked tonight. As I go ever deeper into the Heart of the Father and allow Him to rearrange the way I have always seen the world, I find that it's much more complicated and yet at the same time much simpler than I've always thought. When Yahweh first started telling me that He is all that there is, I knew that didn't mean that He was evil or that He allowed, sanctioned, or took part in any of the myriad of horrors I've witnessed on the news, in the lives of those around me, or in my own life. It is not His Nature. It could never be. So, in order to understand, I separated the Reality of who He is from the illusion of who He isn't, and instead of judging what is and what isn't based on what I experience, I judged it based on His Nature. But Yahweh said, "The colors can only remain separate on the painter's palette. If you want to paint a world, you have to mix them together." As I ascended to this place of We, I found that...

To Honor the Experience of Yahweh

I bet you thought I forgot about this blog. If you've been following my poetry blog, you'll notice that I'm not dead, so hopefully no one was worried about that. I haven't forgotten about this blog, either. I've just been going through things too deep and too powerful--too majestic and life-altering--for words. In fact, I've been experiencing things no other human has experienced before, at least not in any way I've heard or read about, and I have become something more that I ever dreamed. One of the reasons I haven't written about this on my blog is because the world at large is not in a position to understand it. Some of the people I've told think I'm crazy or heretical. Others have been lifelines as they help me navigate the massive changes. So instead of telling the world at large what I've been experiencing, I'll tell you some things that I hope will help open the mind to accept experiences that are vastly different than your o...

Religion vs. Relationship

In the Beginning, each of us was created to relate to Yahweh. Our purpose was to receive the infinite Love that He wanted to express and then, by returning to Him, partner with Him as creators. Just as with any human relationship, your relationship with Yahweh will be unique and individual. Your partnership with Him in the Divine Dance will trace a different path than anyone else's. The way you interact with Him will be vastly different from the way that anyone else interacts with Him. You will know Him differently than anyone else knows Him. And yet, He is One. He will not be anything other than Himself. Due to His Infinite nature, however, we cannot presume to define Him. We can only experience Him as He shows Himself to us. Anyone who relates to Yahweh is blessed by that relationship. Sometimes people don't know that they have the ability to relate to Yahweh as individuals. They either think that they have to relate to Yahweh like someone else relates to Him or they co...