Someone reminded me recently of the verse in Corinthians that talks about how Love keeps no record of wrongs. This is absolutely true! But how do you do this? Let's look deeper!
I could choose not to. I could become bitter and angry and start to see the person who hurt me as a bad, untrustworthy person. I could cut them out of my life and disparage them. I could tell others how they've wronged me and how horrible they are as people. This is, of course, not Love. This is a mindset of "that other person is wrong." Wrong is on the record I have of that person.
Another option would be that I forget that the times when someone hurt me ever happened. I pretend they were never real. They have no impact or influence on our relationship. This would be counter-productive to my own well-being. I would continue to go to an untrustworthy person over and over again no matter how much they've hurt me and ask them to love, relate to, and honor me no matter how often they've shown me that they are not capable of that. I would then be hurt in the same manner repeatedly. This is dishonoring to myself. Therefore, this cannot be true Love because self-Love is the first Love that I must cultivate in my life. This also leads to abuse and perpetuation of hurtful cycles in not only my life, but the lives of any children who are learning from me how to let other people treat them. There is record of wrong kept here, and it is against myself, for I think I am not worthy of being treated with more dignity and respect. I might even think that I was wrong for being hurt by the other person, like I don't have a right to feel what I feel and acknowledge those feelings or to ask that the behavior change. I would consider myself wrong for simply being offended when someone else abuses me.
Or I could choose to remember our Oneness. I could acknowledge that the person who hurt me is part of me and I am part of them. I could see that their ultimate goal was to deal with their own fears and traumas, not to hurt and betray me. I could take our relationship into account as a whole, for most people who hurt me have also blessed me at other times. I could remember that I'm only seeing a small part of the entirety of their being and trust that they are wonderful, beautiful expressions of Yahweh even in the part of them that I cannot see. And yet, I acknowledge that the person did truly hurt me. I express that hurt and the pain that it caused. I use this information to evaluate our relationship. Maybe they're incapable of helping me with certain things. Perhaps I shouldn't tell them all of my secrets. I never cut a person off, for that is not Love either, but I will not allow them to keep hurting me because I must love myself enough to remove myself from harmful situations or relationships if that other person refuses to change their behavior.
In this last one, I am honoring both myself by setting healthy boundaries and removing myself from harmful situations and the other person by not allowing them to act against their loving nature by treating me with abuse or disrespect. This is greater Love, for there is no bitterness or record against the other person in my eyes, but there is also no record or bitterness against myself which, would happen if I did not demand the treatment that I deserve.
We are One and We are Many. That will lead to different perspectives at times. We can disagree. We can fight. We can even hurt each other. But We can never forget our Oneness. This kind of Love, which keeps no record of wrong, isn't possible if we do. This kind of Love is one in which all are honored, respected, and valued. If We do not remember our Oneness, then We will always have one side winning over the other in any disagreement. One person must be "right" and the other person must then necessarily and on the record be... "wrong."
I could choose not to. I could become bitter and angry and start to see the person who hurt me as a bad, untrustworthy person. I could cut them out of my life and disparage them. I could tell others how they've wronged me and how horrible they are as people. This is, of course, not Love. This is a mindset of "that other person is wrong." Wrong is on the record I have of that person.
Another option would be that I forget that the times when someone hurt me ever happened. I pretend they were never real. They have no impact or influence on our relationship. This would be counter-productive to my own well-being. I would continue to go to an untrustworthy person over and over again no matter how much they've hurt me and ask them to love, relate to, and honor me no matter how often they've shown me that they are not capable of that. I would then be hurt in the same manner repeatedly. This is dishonoring to myself. Therefore, this cannot be true Love because self-Love is the first Love that I must cultivate in my life. This also leads to abuse and perpetuation of hurtful cycles in not only my life, but the lives of any children who are learning from me how to let other people treat them. There is record of wrong kept here, and it is against myself, for I think I am not worthy of being treated with more dignity and respect. I might even think that I was wrong for being hurt by the other person, like I don't have a right to feel what I feel and acknowledge those feelings or to ask that the behavior change. I would consider myself wrong for simply being offended when someone else abuses me.
Or I could choose to remember our Oneness. I could acknowledge that the person who hurt me is part of me and I am part of them. I could see that their ultimate goal was to deal with their own fears and traumas, not to hurt and betray me. I could take our relationship into account as a whole, for most people who hurt me have also blessed me at other times. I could remember that I'm only seeing a small part of the entirety of their being and trust that they are wonderful, beautiful expressions of Yahweh even in the part of them that I cannot see. And yet, I acknowledge that the person did truly hurt me. I express that hurt and the pain that it caused. I use this information to evaluate our relationship. Maybe they're incapable of helping me with certain things. Perhaps I shouldn't tell them all of my secrets. I never cut a person off, for that is not Love either, but I will not allow them to keep hurting me because I must love myself enough to remove myself from harmful situations or relationships if that other person refuses to change their behavior.
In this last one, I am honoring both myself by setting healthy boundaries and removing myself from harmful situations and the other person by not allowing them to act against their loving nature by treating me with abuse or disrespect. This is greater Love, for there is no bitterness or record against the other person in my eyes, but there is also no record or bitterness against myself which, would happen if I did not demand the treatment that I deserve.
We are One and We are Many. That will lead to different perspectives at times. We can disagree. We can fight. We can even hurt each other. But We can never forget our Oneness. This kind of Love, which keeps no record of wrong, isn't possible if we do. This kind of Love is one in which all are honored, respected, and valued. If We do not remember our Oneness, then We will always have one side winning over the other in any disagreement. One person must be "right" and the other person must then necessarily and on the record be... "wrong."
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